


At An Unprecedented Speed I Will Dive Right Into You

by amuhseen



Category: Assassination Classroom
Genre: AssClassSecretSanta2020, Bad Writing, Brace yourselves, Confessions, I'm Bad At Tagging, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Oblivious Shiota Nagisa, Pining, Shiota Nagisa-centric, boi is super smart but he dense as a brick about love, but he gets it in the end, can relate, for like a bit, karma is lovesick for his blueberry, kayano kaede is a good friend, lucky him, mentioned maeiso
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-25
Updated: 2020-12-25
Packaged: 2021-03-11 01:15:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,600
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28296633
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amuhseen/pseuds/amuhseen
Summary: Nagisa and Karma decide to start an exchange diary to get to know each other better.Written for the Assassination Classroom Secret Santa
Relationships: Akabane Karma/Shiota Nagisa
Comments: 10
Kudos: 171





	At An Unprecedented Speed I Will Dive Right Into You

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Aqua_Naiad](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aqua_Naiad/gifts).



> Here is my gift for Aqua_Naiad (or akari-loves-pudding on tumblr) for this year's Secret Santa
> 
> Merry Christmas everyone!
> 
> (title is from the song 'Sparkle' from the soundtrack of Kimi No Na Wa/Your Name)
> 
> Note: Bold is Karma and italics is Nagisa

“Yo Nagisa, what are you up to?”

Nagisa looked up from his novel to see Karma walking up to him. It was break time and he was relaxing against the bark of a tree, enjoying the peace and quiet that would surely be broken by the arrival of his mischievous friend, “just reading.”

“What about?” Karma sat himself down.

“Just about these two friends who write each other letters,” Nagisa explained, “I’m really enjoying it.”

“Why though? They’re letters. They’re hardly that interesting.”

“Have you never had a penpal before?” Nagisa asked, “or gotten a letter from someone?”

“Do I really seem like the type?” Karma raised an eyebrow.

“Fair enough,” Nagisa conceded, “I just really like the idea of writing letters to people. I used to have a journal when I was younger and I would write it like I was writing a letter to my future self.”

“Aww,” Karma cooed with a smirk and pinched Nagisa cheek teasingly, “did little Nagisa have a diary.”

“It wasn’t really a diary,” Nagisa swatted him away, “it was more like ‘dear future me, have you managed to make a thousand paper cranes’ or something. I didn’t really have any friends in elementary so I liked the idea of having myself.”

“I honestly can’t tell if that’s sweet or sad,” Karma said, “but you do you, I guess.”

“Why don’t you give it a try?” Nagisa suggested.

“What? Write a diary?”

“Or a letter,” Nagisa said, “it might be fun.”

“Who would I write it to? I don’t think myself is a good recipient.”

“You could write to me,” Nagisa said, blushing slightly, “An-and I can write back and we can exchange every day. Or how about this: instead of writing each other like two page letters, we just ask each other a question and the other has to answer?”

“I could just text you.”

“Letters are much more personal than texts,” Nagisa pointed out.

“Email you then,” Karma said but smiled, “but alright, I’ll give it a shot. And by ‘personal’, you mean that you would be willing to drop the deep stuff?”

“Sure, if you are,” Nagisa smiled back at him, “I have a spare notebook in my bag. I’ll give it to you at the end of the day.”

* * *

**‘Sup Nagisa,**

**So I’m just gonna go ahead and say that this is honestly kind of weird. We do have phones for a reason you know but seeing that you’re secretly a grandpa I suppose that this whole secret diary/pen pal idea is kind of adorable - which once again is in line with your character.**

Wait, did Karma just call him adorable? Seriously?

And what exactly does he mean by ‘secretly a grandpa’?

Whatever, it’s probably Karma being Karma and just trying to get a rise out of him.

**And we gotta write about the ‘deep stuff’ right? So, I’ve got to ask: What was your first impression of me?**

‘Huh,’ Nagisa thought, eyebrows shooting up in surprise at the blunt question in front of him. To be honest, he wasn’t sure why it shocked him; Karma’s always had the ability to just say - or in this case, write - what he wanted to. His confidence was what made him so admirable. Well, he did say that he would answer:

_ Hi Karma, _

_ Okay, I can see why you think this is weird seeing that we could get faster replies via texting or emails but I don’t know maybe it could be fun. As for your question though, I’ve always thought of you as brilliant, back when we were in first year and now that we are in E-Class. You’re like seriously cool and smart and I’ll always admire you for that. You always seem to know exactly what to do and how to do it and I feel honoured to be your friend. _

_ What do you think of me? _

* * *

_ I’m terrified of thunder. And lightning as well but mainly thunder. I don’t like loud noises that much so when thunderstorms happen I just freeze and start crying uncontrollably - it’s definitely not a pretty sight. Plus it’s pretty stupid of me to be scared of chemical reactions in the sky, you know. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you scared before, though, Karma. You always seem so sure of yourself when in danger. I mean, remember back in first year when Kensaku-Sensei was yelling at the entire class when the others started acting up? I was practically shaking in my boots but you were so calm and collected like you weren’t even slightly shocked at how loud he was being. I mean even I get slightly jumpy during jump scares of horror and thriller movies and I can tell when they’re coming. Nothing seems to faze you at all, though. So I guess my question would be what are you afraid of? It doesn’t have to be your worst fear or anything and I promise that I’ll never use it against you or anything but it would be interesting to know. _

**Oh yeah, I remember that. You looked like such an adorable little mouse all shivering like that. Honestly I don’t get why you were so scared of that guy - just let him bark until he tires himself out. It’s actually kind of funny watching him run out of steam. And there’s nothing wrong with crying when you’re scared (and that thing about it being not being a pretty sight, I’m going to have to beg to differ). What I’m scared of though? Well, I guess the only thing I could think of would be to wake up and you’re not there anymore. I don’t think I even want to know what I would do without you.**

* * *

**How do you know so much about animals? I saw you and Kurahashi squealing over your origami zoo earlier.**

_ I was not squealing Karma. I watched a lot of nature documentaries as a kid. I had a documentary phase in elementary school plus I liked reading . Like I enjoyed them so much that one of my dreams back then was to be a vet or a zoologist and spend time with animals all the time. I guess that’s why I like hanging around with the snakes on the mountain so much. I remember after reading this book about aquatic ecosystems in my school’s library, I really wanted to be a marine biologist. I tried asking my mother to take me to an aquarium but we never really had the time. _

_ Did you have any weird hobbies or passions when you were younger? _

* * *

“Now class,” Koro-Sensei addressed 3-E just as the bell signalling the start of their lunch break was about to go, “I hope that you are all comfortable with the quadratic equation. For homework, I want you to complete the worksheets I have given you. Now, you may all have your lunch break.”

“Are you going anywhere interesting today, Sensei?” Kurahashi asked him.

“I’ve decided to take a quick trip to Paris,” Koro-Sensei’s mouth watered as his smile widened, “I’ve been craving chocolate profiteroles all day.”

“Hmm, lucky,” Kimura whined.

“Must be fun to be able to travel to any continent in the blink of an eye, huh?” Maehara mused.

“You know, teach,” Karma’s voice called out, causing Nagisa’s head to swivel to the source almost myogenically. The redhead was leaning against the classroom’s door frame with crossed arms and a teasing smirk, “you really should cut down on the sugar. Getting fatter would only make you an easier target.”

“Karma,” their teacher admonished, “just where have you been? You’ve missed the entirety of my maths lesson.”

Karma just shrugged nonchalantly, “nothing that I can’t catch up on.”

“THAT DOESN’T MEAN THAT YOU CAN JUST SKIP CLASS!”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever.”

“Sir, maybe you should just drop it,” Nagisa shot the super-octopus an apologetic smile, “at least he’s getting the grades.”

“I suppose you’re right, Nagisa,” Koro-Sensei huffed with a pout then jumped out of the window, “take care everyone. I’ll be returning shortly.”

And so, everyone began to tuck into their lunches. Well, almost everyone.

“Nagisa,” Kayano said, pointing her fork at him accusingly, “you’re not eating?” 

“Oh, yeah, uh,” Nagisa blushed and ducked his head as he rubbed the back of his neck, “I accidentally left my bento box at home so, uh, yeah.”

Kayano let out a scandalised gasp, “Nagisa, you’ve got to take better care of yourself. We can’t have you skipping meals like this, you need to have enough energy or you’ll get sick. Here, have some of my dorayaki, I packed extra anyway.”

“It’s okay, really, I-”

“No need,” Karma said as he sauntered over and casually dropped a small plastic bag on his desk. The blunette opened it to find a piece of onigiri wrapped in plastic packaging inside. When Nagisa looked up at him in confusion he casually waved him off, “I was hanging out at that cafe near the train station and accidently ordered one extra. I figured that I could give it to you since you like them so much.”

“Oh, uh, thank you, Karma. That’s really nice of you,” Nagisa smiled at him before realising that the bustling chatter of the classroom had significantly dimmed down and all of the attention was on them. 

“Smooth,” Nakamura commented under her breath with a snort before she took another bite of her katsudon. Terasaka had no qualms about hiding his own feelings and began laughing aloud.

“What are you laughing at Terasaka?” Karma scoffed, “did you manage to catch sight of your own reflection?”

“Nah, Akabane,” Terasaka smirked, “Just thinking about how pathetic it is that you actual-” He was then cut off by Karma’s bag colliding with his face, “Oi! Watch it, asshole.”

Karma just sat at his desk and began scrolling through his phone, ignoring the knowing looks that Fuwa and Nakamura were giving him.

“What’s Terasaka talking about?” Nagisa wondered out loud, “who’s being pathetic?”

Around him, his friends exchanged looks that held mixtures of tiredness and exasperation. He swore that hear the sound of someone face-palming behind him.

“You-you really can’t tell?” Okano looked at him, her face contorted with something he can’t describe.

“Don’t Okano,” Isogai shook his head, “he has to figure it out himself.”

“Figure what out?” Nagisa felt like tearing his hair out at their secrecy. He felt confused and wildly out of the loop. The way everyone was looking at him made him think of the odd crosswords and sudokus he used to do when he was younger, as if the answers were right in front of him and he was the only one who hadn’t figured out which letter or number goes where. It was like he had all of the puzzle pieces but didn’t know how to put them together, or where to even start, “what are you guys talking about?”

“It’s nothing Nagisa, really,” Kayano smiled at him, “well it’s not ‘nothing’. It’s just - you’re a really smart guy, you’ll know when you know.”

“...Thank...you? I think,” Well, that didn’t help at all.

Fuwa stabbed the centre of her daifuku with her chopsticks and bit into the sides like it was a lollipop, “and here I thought I was done with Shoujo back in first year.”

* * *

**Marvel or DC?**

_ Don’t start with me. I’ll be here forever writing a bullet pointed list on all of the pros and cons of the comics, TV shows and movies for both franchises and I’d be here all day. I’d even draw diagrams and I’m terrible at drawing. _

* * *

**How’d you get so good at baseball anyway? You told me in first year that you hated sports and now you’re an expert.**

_ When I met Sugino in E-Class he was pretty upset that he was kicked from the team so I did a bunch of research and tried to become as much of an expert as I could to help him. Plus he was a pitcher and I’ve always had pretty fast reflexes so it wasn’t too hard to practice with him. _

* * *

_ Did you seriously just draw a doodle of you as a king sitting on a throne with Asano and Terasaka as your jesters on the other page? _

**_What, should I have just clamped them in pillories instead?_ **

* * *

Nagisa was sitting at his study desk in his bedroom, going over his weekend maths homework when his phone pinged:

**Karma:** Your mom’s not home today right?

Huh? Why would Karma be texting him that?

**Me:** Yeah

**Karma:** Do you have any plans?

**Me:** No, not really 

**Me:** Why?

**Karma:** Open your door

Wait what?!

Nagisa stood up quickly, almost sending his desk chair sprawling to the floor with his speed. After glaring at the lineup of superhero funko pops that stood along the surface of his desk (and that Nagisa  _ knew _ were secretly laughing at him and his urgency) he rushed towards the front door, nearly tripping over his own sock-clad feet when they would slide over the polished marble flooring. He opened his front door to see Karma on the other side.

“Karma?!” Nagisa exclaimed in shock, “wha-what are you doing here?”

“Taking you out, duh,” he smirked, “let’s go.”

“I-I can’t just leave now,” Nagisa said, gesturing at his sweatpants and crumpled Sonic Ninja graphic t-shirt, “look at me.”

Karma gave him a very obvious once-over and shrugged, “you look fine to me. Great even.”

Nagisa blushed, “I-I’ve got homework.”

Karma raised an eyebrow, “did you just try to pull a Peter Parker on me?”

“Um, yeah.”

Karma shook his head, “come on, it’ll only be for a while. I promise you it’ll be fun.”

“‘Fun’ how,” Nagisa asked sceptically, “‘fun’ as in what most people find fun or ‘fun’ as in what only you would find fun.”

Karma smiled innocently at him, “I have no idea what you’re talking about, Nagisa. Are you saying that I have unusual habits?”

“Last week you stole Okajima’s cologne and replaced it with sneezing powder,” Nagisa deadpanned, “and yesterday you stole Terasaka’s trousers from the changing rooms and tied them to a branch of a tree.”

“Are you saying that that wasn’t a stroke of genius?” Karma laughed, “anyway, come on. I swear it’s nothing humiliating or dangerous or anything like that.”

Nagisa studied his face for a moment before giving in, “alright then. Let me grab a hoodie and put my shoes on.”

The train ride to Karma’s mystery location was mostly uneventful. The two of them just sat on the seats in silence as the carriage moved.

“Hey,” Karma said after a while, “I have Iron Man Three downloaded on my phone. It’ll take a while for us to get there so we could watch it if you want?”

Nagisa nodded, moving closer so that he could see the screen, “yeah sure.”

As the movie flashed on Karma’s phone screen, Nagisa realised that they were so close that their arms were touching. He wondered if Karma realised that as well but the redhead never said anything and when the train jolted and made his head land on the taller’s shoulder, all Karma did was move closer.

By the time they arrived at their stop, Nagisa was sure that his face rivaled his friend’s hair.

* * *

“Alright we’re here,” Karma said as they walked towards a large building with pictures of fish painted on it’s walls.

“Uh, where is ‘here’?” Nagisa asked.

“An aquarium,” Karma answered with a smile, “you said that you’ve always wanted to go, right?”

“Wha-you should have told me,” Nagisa said, suddenly growing anxious, “I didn’t bring anything with me to pay for a ticket.”

“Don’t worry,” Karma flicked him on the head, “you don’t have to. I’ll pay for you.”

Nagisa’s eyes widened, “Wha-no! I can’t ask you to do that. It’s really alright. We can come another day and-”

“But Nagisa, we’re already here,” Karma said as he just continued to walk towards the entrance, Nagisa’s tugging on his hand having absolutely no effect, “so quit worrying and just enjoy yourself.”

“I’m paying you back.”

“I’ll like to see you try.”

To say Nagisa was fascinated by the aquarium would be an understatement. The sight of shimmering scales and luminescent jellyfish swimming in bright aquamarine, practically phosphorescent against the darkness of the rooms. He had just been reading about clownfish when he noticed his friend was suspiciously quiet. He looked up to find that Karma was nowhere to be seen.

“Karma,” he whisper-yelled, surveying the sea of people around him to try catch a flash of familiar red hair. He walked - well, more like slid - along the edge of the tank when he accidentally bumped into someone.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry. I didn’t see you there. I didn’t hurt you, did I?”

“No, you didn't, it's alright. I should’ve been paying more attention myself,” replied a voice that sounded just like Isogai’s. For a second, Nagisa thought that he had ran into his class’ representative when he looked up to find a tall boy with messy black locks, tanned skin, gun metal blue eyes and wearing the most composed expression he had ever seen.

Nagisa opened his mouth to say that it was in no way the other’s fault when a well-built young man with spiky black and silver hair started pulling onto the forearm the person that was the unfortunate victim of Nagisa’s poor navigation skills, yelling, “Hey, hey, hey, AGHAASHI.”

“Yes, Bokuto-san.”

“I WANNA SEE THE SHARKS.”

“I thought that you wanted to see the turtles first since they’re closer.”

“I do,” ‘Bokuto-San’ whined, pouting, “but Kuroo told me that they have tiger sharks here and I wanna see them and- hey Akaaashi, this fish is looking at me funny.”

Both Nagisa and the other turned to look at the fish in question, who just opened its mouth and let out a single bubble of air. The latter sighed, “I don’t think it means any harm, Bokuto-San.”

‘Bokuto-San’ then scrunched up his face, puffing out his cheeks and narrowing his golden eyes at the fish. The two seemed to engage in some sort of intense staring match before the fish got bored and turned away, “Now it’s looking at you! I’m going to fight it.”

“Please don’t fight the fish Bokuto-San,” 

There seemed to be a change in the way the other boy held himself. It was microscopic but Nagisa’s keen eyes were used to detecting changes in people’s behaviour and he could see the way that those striking eyes softened to display the endearment that his exasperated tone of voice tried to hide. The taller, more muscular one made no effort to hide his emotions looking at the shorter boy with stars in his eyes, as if he had single-handedly hung the sun and moon in the sky.

And it was those… those looks that made him feel as if he’s experiencing some sort of deja vu.

“I’ll fight anything that thinks badly of you,” ‘Bokuto-San’ proclaimed, pointing his index finger at the black-haired boy dramatically, “I don’t care if they’re a human or a shark no one can make my Akaashi sad. I’m gonna go and give the sharks a warning.” And with that he turned on his heel and stormed off.

“Wait, Bokuto-san,” the blue-eyed man called, “you can’t just- you don’t have a map.” He looked at Nagisa, “I’m sorry, I’m going to have to find him.”

“Wait,” he blurted out before he could stop himself. The other turned to him with a raised eyebrow, and he winced at the way he blabbed out, “sorry – I just, uh, him. Is-is he-are you, you know?”

“Together?” he asked softly with a raised eyebrow.

“Uh, yes. Sorry, I didn’t mean to pry, I swear it’s just,” Nagisa rubbed the back of his head, “the way you two look together, I-”

“It’s okay,” he reassured the smaller boy, the minute way that the side of his mouth lifted upwards indicating his amusement, “and to answer your question: yes, Bokuto-San is my boyfriend.”

“Oh, congratulations,” Nagisa smiled at him before immediately backtracking, “I didn’t mean that in a weird way I swear. I mean that’s a weird thing to congratulate people on, isn’t it? God, I’m such a mess today and I-”

“It’s alright,” the other said, “I regularly hang out with people that say stranger things so don’t worry.”

“I’m really happy that you have someone important to you like that,” Nagisa smiled at him, surprising himself with how wistful his tone was.

“I am as well,” he said, the elegantly stoic appearance on his face softening slightly to resemble endearment, “he may seem like a lot but I can’t ever imagine my life without him.”

**I don’t think I even want to know what I would do without you**

“Sounds like a great guy,” Nagisa mused, casting out a nagging thought in his head that reminded him of Karma’s handwriting and confusing words, “I hope that the two of you enjoy your day.”

“You too,” the other nodded at him before taking off after his partner.

Nagisa just stood in his place, watching him leave when he felt a flick on the side of his head. He whirled around to find Karma standing behind him.

“Karma! Just where have you been,” Nagisa asked him, “I thought I lost you.”

“Aww, did Nagisa miss me?” Karma cooed, “it’s okay, Nagi, I’m here now so you don’t have to worry.”

“Shut up,” Nagisa huffed, feeling his face heat up as he slapped Karma’s chest. 

Karma laughed at that, “Sorry, I went ahead and didn’t realise you weren’t behind me.”

“It’s alright,” Nagisa said.

The two of them stood there in silence, watching the little sea creatures swim around the tank in front of them.

“I feel kind of bad, looking at them,” Nagisa mused.

“How come?” 

“Well, my favourite food is sushi,” he explained with a smile, “it’s kind of hard to look at them in the eye knowing that I ate sashimi for lunch. For all I know they could’ve known each other.”

Karma let out chuckles at that, “Well next time I take you out, how about we go to one of those restaurants where you chose the fish that you eat. I heard that they literally have a tank of them and you just point to the one that you want sliced and they prepare it then and there. I think Sugaya said that there’s this place where you can catch it yourself as well.”

“Sounds fun. At least it would be better than your ‘fishing for delinquents’ idea,” Nagisa nodded before blinking, “wait, ‘next time’?”

“Well, yeah,” Karma said, stuffing his hands into his pockets, “that is if you want to go out later.”

Nagisa bit his lip at the sight of Karma’s usually confident exterior mellow out slightly into something almost unrecognisable, “sure. I’d love to.”

Karma smiled back at him.

“This one reminds me of you,” Karma pointed at a triangular-shaped blue fish with long feather-like fins fluttering above and below it.

“Why’s that?”

“Apparently it’s called an angel fish.”

“Huh?” Nagisa knotted his eyebrows in purplexion, “why would that make you think of me? Is it because it’s blue?”

Karma stared hard at him for a split-second before his expression melted into faint amusement. With a grin, he ruffled the other’s hair, “Yeah, Nagisa. It’s because it’s blue.”

Then and there Nagisa grinned back at him because it felt like the most normal reaction in the world but later in the evening, in the privacy of his own bedroom, he sat cross-legged on his bed and looked down at his hands to gaze down at the silver and blue angel fish keychain that Karma bought for him at the aquarium’s gift shop and wondered why the thought of Karma looking at things and being reminded of him made his chest squeeze with a giddiness that he couldn’t quite name.

“The way those two boys looked at each other in the aquarium,” Nagisa asked himself, flopping backwards so his head hit his pillow, “could that be how Karma and I look at each other also?”

* * *

**Are you ever going to play the violin again? I remember you used to have classes on the main campus and you were pretty good when you played in the school orchestra in the concert club. Much better than everyone else.**

_ Maybe in high school if I feel like it. Honestly, I only did it because my mother forced me to but it was actually kind of nice playing it. I can’t remember all of the classics I had to memorise but I can still do the Sonic Ninja theme song. _

* * *

_ Worst injury you’ve ever gotten? _

**Fell of a tree trying to chase a cat when I was seven and broke my arm. I got the cat though.**

* * *

**Ever had a pet?**

_ Do pet rocks count? _

* * *

“Oh Nagisa,” Shiota Hiromi cooed, carding hooked claw-like fingers through Nagisa’s long, undone locks, “look at how beautiful you look. I’ve been telling you that you should keep your hair down.”

“Yes, mom,” Nagisa sighed, eyes downcast and doing their best to ignore the mirror that was in front of him. The moment that his mother arrived home with her arms carrying bright pink shopping bags and a trill of ‘you won’t believe what I got on sale’ he knew that today was a bad day and he had no choice to go along with whatever she was planning in hopes that she stays sunny. He felt claustrophobic in the pink ball gown she forced onto him, the satin bow tied around his waist constricted around him like a python strangling its prey.

“Look at how small and adorable your waist is, sweetheart,” she chirped as she placed her hands on his shoulders. It took everything in him for him not to flinch away at how her palms seemed to burn his skin, “And your curves - I’m so jealous. What I would give to have your figure. You look like such a doll.”

‘ _ And whose fault is that? _ ’ Nagisa thought, remembering the diets his mother put him on when he was younger in her attempts of keeping his ‘petite and dainty figure’.

“Oh if only you were a girl,” she sighed wistfully, “you could actually wear all of these dresses that are collecting dust in my closet instead of those terrible baggy sweaters you just have to buy. Oh that reminds me,” she giggled, “since I’ve been working so hard, I decided to book myself a spa day this weekend and you are going to join me.” Nagisa’s eyes widened in horror as she continued, “you can wear this lovely dress I bought you and we’ll get our nails done together and have facials and we’ll have so much fun. I can’t wait.”

“Thi-this weekend,” Nagisa yelped before he could stop himself, “but I-I have a test next week that I have to study for and-” And just like that, the flip switched. His mother’s face darkened like it always does before she erupts.

“YOU UNGRATEFUL CHILD,” she screamed, slapping him hard across the cheek and making his head collide with the surface of the mirror. She then began to shake him, making his head bob violently like a ragdoll, “HERE I AM WORKING ENDLESSLY TRYING TO LOOK AFTER YOU ALL BY MYSELF LIKE I HAVE ALWAYS DONE SINCE YOU DROVE YOUR FATHER AWAY FROM US. DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH SWEAT AND BLOOD I HAVE TO GIVE JUST TO MAKE SURE THAT YOU CAN GO TO THE BEST SCHOOL IN TOKYO? ONLY FOR YOU TO BE SO CARELESS WITH YOUR GRADES AND GET YOURSELF SENT TO E-CLASS. YOU HAVE BEEN NOTHING BUT A BURDEN TO ME AND YET WHEN I ASK FOR ONE DAY OF RELAXATION YOU WON’T ALLOW ME EVEN THAT?!”

“I-I’m sorry, mom.” 

He could only hope that when Karma sees the smudged black ink inside their notebook the next day, he’ll think that it’s due to spilt water on not his own pitiful, self-degrading tears.

* * *

“Nagisa, are you okay?” A concerned Sugino had asked him the next day.

Nagisa offered him a small smile, “yeah, Sugino, I’m fine.”

“You don’t look too fine,” Sugino said, his brows furrowing with worry, “you look tired.”

“Yeah, I guess I haven’t been getting much sleep,” Nagisa said, awkwardly laughing and hoping that that would be the end of it.

Sugino opened his mouth, “I-”

Their conversation was cut short by a blazer-clad arm throwing itself around Nagisa’s shoulders.

“Walk home with me,” Karma said, grinning down at him.

And who was he to deny that (especially when the redhead was looking down at him with that confident smirk that made his skin prickle in a way that was both strange yet welcoming), “sure thing.”

##  ….

“Hey Karma, we’re going the wrong way,” Nagisa said in confusion as they continued to walk straight along the sidewalk.

“Hmm,” the boy next to him hummed, continuing to scroll through his phone.

“Yeah, uh, my house is that way,” Nagisa pointed at a corner that they just passed, only for the redhead to quirk up a corner of his lips in that infuriatingly smug simper.

“Oh I know,” Karma intoned carelessly, “but I thought that we could take a detour.”

“A detour?” Nagisa furrowed his eyebrows and tilted his head in confusion, “what do you mean?”

It was then when Karma stopped walking, making Nagisa stop with him, and then took one of the shorter boy’s hands in his. With golden eyes boring straight into his, Karma asked lowly, “do you trust me?”

It was like a baseball bat had swung straight into his stomach, the way a single question could knock all of the air out of his lungs and catch in his throat. It was so stupid, how Karma had so much control over him.

Nagisa gave him a shaky nod, “ye-yeah.”

Karma grinned, “great, follow me.” Then his expression turned teasing, “That is if those short little legs of yours can keep up with me.”

Nagisa gave him an unimpressed look as he punched the other’s shoulder half-heartedly. Karma counted that by bumping said shoulder with his so he pushed him back with a small smile threatening to bloom on his face. However, no matter how hard he managed to conceal the amusement he felt, Karma could detect things about him, could read him like no one else could and just shot him a triumphant grin before tugging on the hand he still had clasped in his own and taking off. Nagisa yelped with a huff of laughter and ran behind him. They couldn’t exactly race seeing as Nagisa had no idea where their destination was so he just made sure that he was neck and neck with Karma at all times - and for some reason, catching up to him was as easy as breathing.

Nagisa could feel his cheeks starting to sting with how much he smiled, even when the two of them entered the ice cream parlour that Karma had led to, the latter opening the door open for the former and gesturing him to enter first.

“Why are we here, Karma?”

Karma shrugged non-committedly, “do I need to have a reason to hang out with my best friend?”

No force on Earth could have prevented the surge of warm blood that rushed up to his face and spread across his cheeks. He had no idea why those two words made his heart beat so loud it rivaled the anime debates that Fuwa and Takebayashi would have but he supposed it had something to do with the fact that it was because the class prodigy had admitted that he enjoyed spending time with him and that they were close enough to be considered best friends. It’s not that he doesn’t have best friends - Sugino and Kayano make it their goal to proclaim their ‘best friend’ status at least once a week - and yes, it does get his chest filling with fondness every time they do but it has nothing on the way his blood is sent pumping with the way Karma so casually just says it like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. Not that it should because of course he and Karma are best friends; they’ve known each other the longest and they’ve been close since first year-

Apart from those months when they weren’t

...

Sometimes he really hates having an analytical mind.

He was brought back to reality by fingers snapping in front of his face. 

“Here,” Karma said, handing him a cone with a swirl of white ice cream, “vanilla.”

“That’s my favourite,” Nagisa’s eyes lit up.

Karma’s mouth quirked upwards, “I know. Don’t know why though, it’s so boring.”

“It’s a classic,” Nagisa argued, “and there’s nothing wrong with liking simple things. Plus I’m sure that your’s isn’t exactly exciting compared to others.”

Karma smirked and bit into his own cone of strawberry like a heathen who has no concept of brain freeze (which was actually another bullet point on 3-E’s unwritten list of ‘reasons to believe that Karma is actually a demon’), “never said it wasn’t. At least it’s better than yours.”

Nagisa decided to be the mature one and not whack him with his cone.

On the actual way home, Nagisa was so immersed in finishing his ice cream that he didn’t notice that he was being watched. He looked up to find Karma staring at him with an indecipherable expression, a million different thoughts and feelings flashing in his eyes in quick succession, making the blunette feel like a butterfly with its wings tacked onto a wall, naked and raw and vulnerable under that golden gaze. Then, his countenance melted into something more recognisable – it was the carefree confidence he always carried but it was tinged with a hint of …  _ fondness? _ The taller boy pointed out, “you’ve got ice cream on your mouth.”

“Oh, uh,” he answered that by swiping his tongue over the surface of his upper lip, wiping away the coldness that rested there. He gave the other a smile in thanks only to see that he was still looking at him - well not at him but at … his mouth? Did he still have something on it or something?

“I saw those tear stains,” Karma said casually, as if he was just commenting on the weather or the homework assignments that Koro-Sensei had given them that day.

Nagisa froze, the blood in his veins turning into ice at those words. He cast a quick glance at the other from the corner of his eye to see that Karma was looking ahead

He tightened the grip he had on the strap of his school bag and looked down. He forced his voice to sound light as he gave a laugh that felt so artificial that even he internally winced, “Oh those? They’re nothing to worry about, really. Just me being-”

He then felt someone grab his chin and tilt his face upwards so that he and Karma were staring directly at each other’s eyes

“Don’t,” Karma interrupted with a softness that Nagisa had never heard before. He was suddenly hyper aware of the thumb that was circling abstract shapes onto the back of his hand, “I don’t want you to hide anything from me.”

“Karma-”

“You mean a lot to me okay,” Karma whispered, “I’m-I’m not good at this whole ‘talking things out’ thing, not like you are, but I-I just want you to know that I don’t want you to wear a mask around me, alright. You’re the one that’s always there for others. Let me at least be there for you.”

Nagisa gave him a small smile, nodding slightly, “Alright.”

Karma smiled back at him before reaching into his bag and handing him a box, “Here.” 

Nagisa opened it to find a pair of headphones sitting inside.

“They’re noise cancelling,” Karma explained, “for the thunder. You wrote that you don’t like loud noises so I got these for you. I ordered them a while ago but they only came last night.”

“Thank you, Karma,” Nagisa said before laughing, “I seem to be saying that a lot lately, huh?”

“You don’t need to,” Karma smiled, “I like doing stuff for you.”

“Well, yeah but I keep on feeling like I’m freeloading off of you,” Nagisa retorted, “this whole ‘giving each other things’ thing is kind of one-sided.”

“Trust me, Nagisa,” Karma said, “you’ve given me much more than you think and none of what I’ve done for you could even cover half of how much you’ve done for me.”

“‘Done for you’? I’ve not really done much, though.”

“You always offer to patch people up,” Karma stated, “you’re always going out of your way to help people out without even thinking of asking people for help yourself, you’re great at comforting people - I mean come on, Nagisa. Do you think we call you the class therapist just for laughs?” 

“That’s just me being me, though.”

“You being you is the greatest thing that you could ever do,” Karma said, “and anyone who says otherwise can take it up with me.”

Nagisa had no idea how to respond to that so he just nodded as if he understood even though he didn’t, “Thanks, I guess. I just think that, well, is being me enough, you know? I don’t know if I can make that much of a difference. The world is just so big, you see, or at least it seems so big, for someone as small as me anyway.”

Karma looked at him for a moment before responding, “You may look small, Nagisa, but sometimes, I think your presence is the largest in the room.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

And Karma, the cryptic jerk he is, just smirked.

_ God, I want to kiss him _

_... _

_ Wait, what?! _

##  ….

The moment Nagisa returned home, he raced to his room and slammed the door shut, letting his back rest against the smooth wood before sliding downwards so that his thighs were pressed against his chest. Heart beating furiously and face so hot he thought that he’d combust, Nagisa tried to do the deep breathing exercises that he taught himself in an attempt to control himself.

“Calm down, Nagisa, calm down,” Nagisa told himself, “it’s not like that. You don’t actually want to kiss one of your best friends and ruin one of the best relationships you’ve ever had just because he complimented you.”

But the thing is, he does.

Now, Nagisa isn’t big on romance. He doesn’t hate it - he just doesn’t quite understand it. He wouldn’t actively search for it when browsing through movies but a romantic side plot isn’t a complete game changer - sometimes it can actually be even be entertaining to see his favourite superheroes have lives outside of saving the city. Plus, he is somewhat intrigued by watching movies and reading comics of superheroes dating without comprehending why.

‘Maybe it has something to do with the fact that watching power couples fight in battle reminds you of how you and Karma are always paired up as sparring partners,’ a traitorous voice in his head that sounds suspiciously like Nakamura adds, ‘and how much fun you have fighting by his side.’

_ Anyway _ , the point is that the only piece of media that he consumed that was purely romance was when he leafed through the school library’s copy of Pride and Prejudice back in second year because he was bored and didn’t know what else to do but he has the feeling that romance now is different to how it was back in Hanoverian Britain.

(Well, he did sit through one episode of some romance anime with Fuwa about a girl that pretends to be a guy so that she could repay some debt but he highly doubts that that is a good baseline for realistic romance as well)

He can’t like Karma, he just can’t. 

What he’s feeling now is probably just the product of the lack of positive reinforcement in his past and his own messed up self thinking that anyone that compliments him is someone that they want to date. Like, Maehara and Isogai are always complimenting each other and hanging around each other and do the things that Karma does to him but they’re clearly just close friends - 

His phone buzzed in his pocket to see that someone had texted the class group chat:

**Fuwa Yuzuki:** GUYS I JUST FOUND MAEHARA AND ISOGAI MAKING OUT BEHIND THE CAFE THAT ISOGAI WORKS AT

…

This means nothing.

* * *

‘Just act normal, just act normal.’

That was what Nagisa told himself throughout the entire morning of school. He did everything he could to make it seem like he hadn’t been kept up by the thoughts of kissing Karma like Maehara and Isogai did each other in the photograph that Fuwa had supplied to the entire class in the night previously. Thankfully the class was too busy teasing the two boys over their relationship to pay attention to the way Nagisa’s focus wasn’t as a hundred percent as it usually was so he could slip out during their lunch break to get some time for himself without causing much fuss.

Nagisa continued to ruminate about his (not entirely) unwelcome feelings as he sat himself down cross-legged on the grass near the class’ swimming pool, eyes skim-reading Koro-Sensei’s well-worn copy of  _ The Picture of Dorian Gray _ without actually taking in any of the plot. Only a few minutes had passed when he sensed a familiar presence approaching him and warm slender fingers covered his eyes and a familiar bubbly voice chirped out, “guess who?”

“Is it the cold hands of death?” Nagisa deadpanned before yelping at the weak slap of Kayano’s hand against his shoulder, “Hey, Kayano!”

“Serves you right for being so cheeky,” the greenette huffed and stuck her nose in the air for a few seconds before exploding into giggles as Nagisa regarded her with amusement.

“So what are you here for?” Nagisa asked her and then said quickly, “Not that I have a problem with you being here of course - I mean you can be anywhere you like -  _ It’s a free world and who am I to stop you from going anywhere and it’s not like your company is not welcome I mean you’re one of my best friends so I’ll always enjoy having you around and- _ ”

“Nagisa,” Kayano smiled indulgently in a way to stop him from descending into some unknown spiral, “it’s alright. You’re the last person on Earth who could possibly say anything even close to insulting. Honestly, I’d rather believe that Karasuma-Sensei is a professional ballerino than you saying anything hurtful. To answer your question though, I’m here for you.”

“Why though?”

“Well,” the girl said, “because I bought some treats at the cafe on my way to school and also because I can tell a crush crisis from a mile away.”

“‘Crush crisis’?!” Nagisa cried, “I don’t-”

“Nagisa, please,” Kayano gave him a ‘don’t-even-try-to-argue-with-me’ look, “I might not be as good at reading people as you are but that doesn’t mean that I couldn’t see how you kept on glancing back at Karma’s empty chair when you thought no one was watching.”

“But I-” he was cut off by Kayano shoving a chocolate tart into his open mouth.

“Nagisa, be quiet and listen,” she rolled her eyes fondly, inwardly cackling at the way Nagisa almost choked on the desert and got crumbs spilling onto his waistcoat and trousers. Her companion seemed to get the hint, taking the tart out and eating it with small bites, “now think real hard about this okay: when you see Karma, what do you feel?”

“Happy,” Nagisa said instantly, “but I always feel happy when I’m around my friends. I love you guys.”

“Aww. I love you too, Nagisa,” Kayano beamed, “but this isn’t about us, it’s about Karma. What do you think of him?”

“That he’s amazing. But again, I think a lot of people are amazing. I find a lot of people admirable.”

He’s always admired confident people. With him being someone so shy and fearful of saying the wrong thing, having the courage and self-assurance to just do what you want has always been so spectacularly  _ sublime _ . People like Kataoka, Isogai and Maehara, who always just exude the aura of strength and nerve, seem to stir something in him that’s akin to the awe he feels when he watches superheroes defeat villains in the movies and comic books that he loves. 

“Is it really just admiration, though?” Kayano questions.

But then again, the admiration and respect he has for Karma is so unlike what he feels when Isogai praises him for following his orders well during a team building exercise or when Kataoka thanks him for helping her stop another class fight or when Maehara ruffles his hair in congratulation. He respects them, he really does, but the way his breath tightens at Karma’s brilliance, the way any little word of praise from the delinquent could make his day, is like no other.

He admits that what he had back in first year was probably bordering on hero worship with the way he practically put the redhead on a pedestal higher than his teachers and even his own parents and might’ve been unhealthy and sort of one sided (but in his defense the smartest and most capable guy in the year decided to acknowledge him, the guy who was friendless throughout elementary school for being ‘too weird’ and he didn’t really know how friendships worked). However, now, here, where the stages that they stand on are closer than they used to be, he doesn’t see Karma as unattainable as he used to. He sees him as someone he can stand besides not behind and maybe there’s a chance that Karma feels the same.

It’s Karma that initiates the hand holding and the gift giving and the hanging out. It’s Karma that gives him compliments and wants to know more about him. It’s Karma that went along with this whole exchange diary thing even though he’s probably got a hundred other better things to do. It’s Karma that he wants to be even closer to.

“All this time,” Nagisa said softly, “I’ve had this feeling that the class has been running a race, either towards something or away from something, and I don’t know why. It’s kind of like, I’m still standing at the start waiting for someone to give me the go to and the rest of you guys are already halfway to the finish line. I could tell that you guys were waiting for me to figure something out. I just never knew what.”

“And now you do,” Kayano gently placed her hand over the clenched fist he rested over his thigh, “And since you’ve figured it out, you’ve got to do something. Whether you decide to ignore what you’re feeling or act on it, all I want is for you to be happy.”

“How can you even tell if you love someone? Like ‘love’ love, not the friendship love I have you guys. I-I haven’t had much of it so I don’t-I don’t know if,” he trailed off. Sometimes he thinks about how Ritsu used to be when she first joined their assassination classroom - cold, emotionless, unfeeling and uncaring for anyone else - and he often fights back the urge to ask her what it’s like to feel nothing, or if it’s better than feeling something then getting hurt because of it. Because it’s easier that way, isn’t it? To cage your heart and keep the key close to you than to wear it on your sleeve only to get it trampled on. He’s let down too many other people in the past, he can’t let down another.

“I wouldn’t know for sure,” Kayano says to him, “love isn’t something that you can just look up in the dictionary and get a complete definition. It’s something that’s universal but is different to each person. But if I have to have a say I think it’s when you’re comfortable enough to tell them everything about yourself, even the dark and scary parts without worrying about being judged, and knowing that they will still be there. And that they can only ever make you stronger and make you the best version of yourself that you can be.”

Nagisa nodded, swallowing, “Thanks Kayano, you’re really helpful. Next time we hang out after school, I’ll get you some mochi, and something from that bubble tea place you like.”

“I’ll hold you to that Nagisa,” She grinned.

* * *

That night, he’s sitting cross legged on his bed yet again, and held out in front of him is a Baymax plushie he bought on a whim (and was previously buried inside his box of other stuffed animals that is hidden deep inside his closet).

“I’m going to tell him,” he said. The stitched-on unblinking eyes of the plushie stared back at him, “it’s better to just get it out of the way and continue on with my life.”

Silence followed.

“You’re right, it’s a terrible idea,” he said, “but this is going to eat away at me until I do something about it. I can’t just go ahead and say ‘hey Karma, I think I love you’ but I need to find a way to act on these feelings before they ruin my life and start messing with my behaviour in class. If I’m too unfocused I can’t give it my all in training and I won’t be able to raise my grades high enough to graduate. So what do you think I should do?”

Silence.

Nagisa huffed, “you were much more helpful when I was twelve.”

And then, like lightning, it struck him.  _ The notebook _ . He could just let out all of his feelings on that. He gently placed his toy against his pillow and rummaged through his bag to get the exchange diary. Sitting at his desk, he flicked through the pages of scrawled handwriting before coming at a stop on the first blank sheet of white.

_ Do you _

He paused, his pen frozen in his tightened grip. Well, it was now or never. With his heart beating like a steel drum against his chest, he continued-

_ Do you believe in love? _

And then he just ploughed on, ignoring his clammy hands, dry mouth and the feeling of his blood rushing fiercely in his veins, the words spilling onto the page like an inky black waterfall, an amalgamation of every single confused thought and emotion that had been plaguing him.

_ You don’t have to answer that if you don’t want to, I’m just thinking out loud at this point and I’m just word vomiting so you don’t need to even write a reply, I swear I didn’t mean to just throw that out there and make you uncomfortable and plunge you into the deep end like that. I mean, I believe in love or that love exists I guess. I love my parents and Sugino and Kayano and you and the rest of the class. Or at least I think I do. I’m kinda new to this whole ‘love’ thing and I asked Kayano and she says that love is when someone makes you want to be the best version of yourself and makes you feel stronger and I guess that being around you always makes me want to be as good as I can be. Like not because I want to show off or impress you or anything but because you always inspire me and kind of because you tutor and help me when you don’t have to and I want to show you that I’m taking in all of your advice and yeah.  _

_ That’s all I have to say. _

* * *

The day after Nagisa had given him their notebook, Karma greeted him first thing when Nagisa finally made it to class.

“Meet me by our usual place,” Karma had said before returning to his seat.

Which was why Nagisa stood in the middle of the E-Class forest, next to this one specific tree that he and Karma like to sit under on and off. When he noticed the redhead walking towards him, he shot the other a friendly wave, “hey Karma.”

“Here,” Karma said without looking at him as he handed their notebook back to him. To anyone else, his posture was laid back but Nagisa could see the subtle hints of nervousness blending into that calm facade - which was weird because of all of the words in the Japanese dictionary he could use to describe Karma, ‘nervous’ wasn’t exactly in his top five or ten...or fifty. Pushing away the somewhat questionable adjectives that  _ did _ instantly spring to mind at the other’s name, Nagisa slowly took the book with both hands whilst wondering what it could be that had the other acting so uncharacteristic. He looked down at the contents of his hands to find that a thin piece of card was poking out from the pages like a bookmark and despite the fact that he had been standing completely still for the past few minutes, his heart started racing like he’d just ran a marathon. He carefully opened the book to that page to discover that it was the mess of words he had inked on the previous night only there was a very distinct change; a strip of bright red highlighter was over the words ‘ _ Do you believe in love? _ ’.

Karma cleared his throat, “Turn it over.”

Without taking his eyes off the book, he slowly and gently turned the page, his gaze immediately zeroing in on the words in front of him:

**Yes I do**

**It’s what I feel when I look at you**

  
  


And Nagisa sees it - the finish line. He sees the long piece of ribbon that marks the end of the race. He can see his classmates on the other side, smiling and cheering him on and Karma’s standing on the other side, arm outstretched and ready to help him cross over. All he has to do is take that one step.

However, the thing is, the finish line just so happens to be above that line that sits between friendship and something more and Nagisa’s spent so long on his side of the line he doesn't even know if he’s ready to go that far.

Just one step.

He can do it. He’s battled against monsters like mathematics, titans like chemistry. He pressed a knife against Takaoka’s neck. He once sat through a three and a half hour documentary on the making of the Sonic Ninja franchise after drinking an entire bottle of apple juice without getting up to go to the bathroom once.

He just has to take one. Small. Step. 

He opens his mouth, “I-”

“You’re such a - a paradox, you know,” Karma releases a huff of laughter, effectively making Nagisa’s mouth close. He shook his head and looked down, seeming more like he was talking to himself, “here you are talking about how others make you strong as if you haven’t been making me stronger this whole time. But you also make me feel so weak, and the thought of you getting hurt or me losing you makes me lose control of my emotions in a way I’ve never had before. How can someone be a strength and a weakness, I don’t know but you’ve always been a mystery, huh?”

“Karma…?” Nagisa took a step forward. 

The other looked back up at him, “I like you. I’ve liked you for a while now actually. And I-I’m really awful at this whole speaking thing and you’re completely dense when it comes to anything that isn’t friendship so I don’t really know how to explain it in a way to get it through to you and you know what, f*ck it.” 

And before he knew it, Nagisa felt every single sense get consumed by the boy who had darted forward and-

He froze.

Now Nagisa had never kissed anyone before - and knowing Karma’s reputation, he was sure that he hadn’t either - so he didn’t really know what was supposed to happen. However, he did like the feeling of Karma’s hands on either side of his face and whilst the gentle pressure of their lips against each other was unusual, it was far from unwelcome. Unfortunately, the shock of having Karma so close to him still rendered him paralysed and his lack of movement made Karma immediately pull back with a regretful expression. However, Nagisa made sure to rectify that mistake by curling his hands around the other’s collar and dragging him down into another kiss. Karma immediately reciprocated, tilting his head to get a better angle. Nagisa had no idea if they were kissing for five minutes or fifty but all he knew that it wasn’t enough, it couldn’t be enough, and now that he knew what kissing Karma was like, he wanted to continue doing it for a long, long time.

Well, so that’s what happens after you take that step.

  
  


* * *

“So I suppose the exchange diary wasn’t a bad idea,” Nagisa smiled at Karma, later in the afternoon. They were both resting on Karma’s bed at the redhead’s house, with Karma’s arms wrapped around his smaller figure and one hand absent-mindedly playing with his hair.

Karma chuckled and held him tighter, “No, Nagisa. I suppose it wasn’t.”

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> OMAKE
> 
> The class: *watching Karmagisa happen through a drone* FINALLY
> 
> Nagisa: *throws a knife at the drone camera as money is being exchanged*
> 
> The class: Oh sHI-


End file.
